1st STAC trip!

My favorite part of the STAC trip was the Kraine Theater, it was a new experience and i really got to have a taste of life in the city is like. Well the night life rather, i usually leave the city by 9 or 10. Anyways, back to the theater, the show was really different from another show i've seen, and i mean that in a good way and a bad way. To be honest i was sort of bored...probably because i couldn't get a point out of it and that bothered me. After a while though i tried to think how this can make sense even though it wasn't really supposed to. I finally got a point out of it though, well from my thinking. I thought the point was to sort of bring attention to how stage directions can be vague, poor, and inadequate. How it can be taken in the wrong way. I thought this because there was a woman reading stage directions and lines, as the actors and actresses interpreted them in the most literal and obvious way possible. It was funny and entertaining but for me it was boring after a while. I'm not really sure if i just stated the obvious about what i thought the point was but...that is what i got out of the show

1st Acting Class

As soon as i found out there was an acting class today i bugged out...and i hated myself as soon as i started to panic. I hated myself because i felt as if i don't really have a vigor for acting, that if i really loved it i'd just be able to do it, no problem..
While we were walking to the community center i thought of what we would possibly do and how to calm myself and do what i love to to do and naturally. I tried to be powered or motivated by my passion and interest in acting. I didn't think it'd work because i always do that before some sort of audition and it never worked.
At first it wasn't so bad, we did a few exercises and i really liked them. When we had to just walk all over the stage...it was really relaxing to me so i would sort of just daze out and walk, as if strolling in a park or something -_- Then i started to actually do the exercises because Luke started spontaneously calling on people.
When we all sat and the "real" acting began i still wasn't too nervous, but  i spoke and i forgot what i said but the next thing i knew i was walking up and doing the exercise. I still wasn't nervous so i knew i was either going to mess up real bad or do well. I really tried to just do what i would do. We had to sneak and as we learned earlier in the class, acting isn't becoming someone else (which is impossible) its being you but taking yourself to a different place. So we had to act like we were sneaking into a room or place of our choice and steal a hat. The only time i ever sneak is when its night time in my house and i'd literally be like a ninja around my house so that i don't wake up my parents. So i tried that approach, you know sneaking crouching near the ground and i think Luke called me a drunk something....HAHA. Ok we anyways, i'm just summarizing everything that happened today but what actually happened personally happened today was...i got my mind cleared. I've always tried to be a better actor and i thought that acting was becoming your character. That was the set image of an actor in my head the day i started to grow my passion for it. But soon i caught on how hard that was and i think i was always close to grasping the fact that it was impossible but i just didn't have any other idea to grasp if i lost that one so i just kept torturing myself over how much i cant act or act well or well enough for my standards for me at least...
So today really cleared my mind, and i feel such a weight off my shoulders. I feel as if i can be better as a person and actress now and i feel...as if i've discovered something. Now i cant wait to develop this new aspect and develop better skills off of it

i didn't know we were supposed to post our favorite quotes on here, but people are doing it so i guess i'll do it too....

The most confident of people are not those that hide their insecurities, but those who flaunt their flaws. In fact, I wouldn't even call them flaws. I'd call them differences.

When a person learns to accept the way they are, they loose their boundaries and are able to accomplish incredible things because they no longer live with fear.

You're on your way there.
-Ellen

so much inspiration, no motivation

I'm stuck in a suburban nightmare and sometimes it's hard for me to live in my dreams. Live in my dreams in a way where i can pursue them, not just wish. Its just hard to take big steps with the way i've been raised and my surroundings. It doesn't mean that my dream is insignificant, not "real", or that i'm not worthy or that don't deserve to achieve my dream. I hate when I feel that way, or when I feel as if i'm being judged that way. It's just hard, everything is. I'm going to be an "adult" soon (18, legal adult) so i'm really trying to pull myself together and be more active and have control and confidence in myself.

:)?

"what we did today"

I actually liked what we did today, I like defining myself because I know who I am. It may sound like I don't, especially when I say this: I know who I am, I built myself, I'm proud yet...I have the hardest time expressing myself. All my life the only way I knew how to show who I am was by just bluntly saying what qyalities I have and sometimes that lead me to being judged in positive and negative ways, saying that you can tell that I don't exactly have charisma. Anyways, back to what we did today, I really liked the idea and I like knowing that facts about me and reasons behind them are inked on a wall but I had a hard time finding things about me. Since I'm not good at expressing myself I had an even harder time thinking of reasons behind why I like something. Even though it was hard for me, it was also a lot easier than usual. Today helped me feel like I actually am growing mentally and spiritually and made me realize that if I keep going the way I am ill grow to understand myself as well.

beginnings

If theres one thing I hate most its the beginning or the start of things...everything is confusing, new, unfamiliar, and usually you don't know much about what going on. Thats how i feel about most beginnings, is that just me? Maybe i'm saying more about me in those few sentences than I intend to but yea i couldn't wait to start STAC and now i can't wait to dive deeper and get over the beginning stage!